you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
