got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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