I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
