Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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