This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
