i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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