You're my little dorito
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
