Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My cat gives me a boner
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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