In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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