I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
