my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
