allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
