I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
