There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
