I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
