Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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