Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
