Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
