a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
