someone owes me an orgasm
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize