I think I won the penis lottery.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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