I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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