I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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