***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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