I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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