I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
