I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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