Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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