he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
