Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
