Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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