Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize