grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
