I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she smelled like a LAN party
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
