Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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