I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
