Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
