There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
