She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
