dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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