If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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