OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
