No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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