It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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