Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
