my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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