mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
