So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
