I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
