I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
