I got chris browned last night
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
