Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
