So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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