I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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