Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
