Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
