just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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