At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
