There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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