he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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