Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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