i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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