My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
