Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
